1. Judith Winslow, 23 September 1989. Successful. Before Steve Urkel’s massive decade long experiment to marry Laura Winslow went into effect, the elaborate plans were found by Judy Winslow. Not wanting her sister to marry a “mouse eater”, Judy confronted Steve with the files only to be stabbed in the chest 98 times. Steve, seeing an opportunity, hired a desperate orphan from Chicago’s southside to pose as Judy and gather information on the Winslow family. Using a favor owed to him by goverment contacts, Urkel arranged for anyone who had a relationship with Judy to have their memories reprogrammed and any evidence of the real Judy to be destroyed. The replacement Judy was inserted into the Winslow household and Urkel’s plan continued.
2. Rodney Beckett, 1 December 1990. Successful. While going through his short lived radical black empowerment phase, Steve Urkel began to hate the few obnoxious white people who the Winslows interacted with. One of these was Eddie’s best friend Rodney. Tired of Rodney’s obession with whitebread suburban capers and jealous of the attention the Winslow family gave him, Urkel abducted Rodney and burned him alive with his Urk-Crisp Flamethower. Urkel never attempted to cover up Rodney’s death and he was presumed to be a runaway.
3. Lieutenant Murtaugh, 24 October 1992. Failed. Following an anonymous tip into the disappearance of Rodney Beckett, Murtaugh stumbled across a series of clues that, through a series of hillarious hijinks, led him to the basement of Steve Urkel. Urkel knew Murtaugh was coming thanks to his patented Urk-Alert Security system. The two had an awkward scuffle involving a labored and predictable pie fight, but before Urkel could throw acid-laced coconut cream at the officer, Murtaugh accidentally stepped onto a prototype version of the Urk-Pad time machine and was transported to the 24th century. After a short period of acclamation and a name change, he became a decorated Admiral in Starfleet command.
4. Judith Winslow, 27 February 1993. Successful. Despite being comfortable in the Winslow household, the sleeper Judy began to feel guiltier and guiltier about her role in the replacement of the Winslows’ daughter and her monthly reports to Urkel. One night, in a fit of desperation, she took her father’s gun, snuck out of her bedroom window, and went to end Urkel’s reign of terror. As soon as she set foot on Urkel’s property, she was beaten to death by the Urkel-Bot who had been lurking in the shadows. Urkel took her body to the hiding spot of the previous Judy grave and lay their corpses together. Using the only shot ever fired from his Urkel Elimination Ray, he blasted the girls’ carcasses from existance, removing them from the space-time continuum, and retroactively negating the existance of any Judy Winslow from history.
6. Harriette Winslow, 6 December 1997. Failed. One night, as Urkel’s plan to marry Laura was heading towards it’s conclusion, he was accosted in his “war room” by Harriet Winslow. Urkel immediately attempted to suck Harriet into nothingness using a deadly new adjustment to his Urk-Vac, but she was protected by an impenetrable forcefield. He then attempted to take a drink of his gene altering “Bruce Juice” and defeat her with poorly choreographed martial arts, but Harriet destroyed the vial, before Urkel could take a swig. Harriet Winslow was a 12th level intellect and had spent the past decade building her barrier shield. She had initially feared taking on Urkel, so she played along while working on her project. She knew of all of Urkel’s crimes, and was in fact the anonymous tipster who led Lt. Murtaugh to Rodney Beckett. She threatened to reveal Urkel’s deeds to the authorities unless he did her a favor. She was tired of her bland suburban lifestyle and having to repeatedly teach Carl not to be sexist. She requested that she be replaced as the first Judy was and sent to NASA where her talents could be put to good use. Urkel constructed a new non-sassy, obedient Harriet for Carl and used his government contracts to get Harriet the job under a new alias.
